Often adults end up playing too big a role in children’s self-regulation. They act as the children’s frontal lobes and unknowingly regulate him by prompting and staying close to him. One study found that education assistants spend 86% of each day within three feet of their assigned students (1) – hardly helpful for developing self-regulation in children.

The ‘self’ part of self-regulation happens after children become aware that they can control their bodies, thinking and emotions, learns skills and strategies for doing that, and have opportunities to practice them. This means teaching children step by step and removing yourself so they can make their own decisions. That’s definitively easier said than done. It comes after careful teaching and practicing.

We believe strongly that you don’t ‘just throw children into water and hope they can swim’. We need to work on helping each child through four main steps:

  1. Ability – “I Can Do It” – children learn they’re able to use the strategies
  2. Need – “I Need To Do It Here and Here” – children are helped to figure out when and where they should use the strategies
  3. Resilience – “I Can Do It Even When …” – we need to help build their resilience so they can cope in challenging situations and still use their strategies
  4. Self-advocacy – “I Can Help Myself By …” –  we need to teach children to advocate for themselves so, if something becomes too challenging, they have ways help themselves (other than melting down).

By working on executive functions, we help bring each child’s knowledge and intentions into action. The child becomes a master of his own frontal lobes and executive functions.

(1) Giangreco, M. F., & Broer, S. M. (2005). Questionable Utilization of Paraprofessionals in Inclusive Schools: Are We Addressing Symptoms or Causes? Focus Autism Other Dev Disablilities, 20, 10–26.